The Remarkably Unremarkable Me

Average Joe by ~weaponx263
Average Joe by ~weaponx263

Friday. Tired from a week of constant barrage of e-mail, calls, issues, and people. Finished the last call of the day. Completely finished, wasted, empty arrived at the dinner table. Across are sitting two beautiful children excited that I am theirs at last. But work got the best of me again leaving little for them. After dinner he wants to play with Lego characters, she wants to dance and be a princess. I can’t stop thinking about the dozens of projects, tasks, problems, things to do, things I forgot to do, the phone calls I couldn’t make, the calls I should have made. Another hour, they’re sleeping. I hear the Olympics on TV where the best of the best compete. Back to childhood and my mother where I was one day to be a best in something, in anything. I am not a best. I am not even good enough! Not a good enough father, not a good enough son, not good enough at work, not good enough in anything… Stop! Destructive thinking. I am a role model for them. I must find the energy to work harder, to be better. Maybe this is a phase, a difficult phase. I need some rest.

8 Comments

  1. You’re more than good enough, but it sounds like you’ve gone on tilt, out of balance. Too much work & not enough playtime. The Lego characters & dancing princess & all the other phases are not to be missed. You know how quickly they grow. What were you working on a year ago @ work? 2 years ago? Can you even remember? It’s just endless tasks… Playtime with the kids must be part of the schedule to keep you in balance. These are the things you’ll both remember.
    AC
    xo

  2. legacy,

    When I was about fifteen, my best buddy and I would talk about anything and everything. One time, while jawboning again over teh-tarik (pulled milk-tea) and prata (an Indian unleavened flatbread much like your beloved lavash), we started into that common topic of teenagers – what kind of remarkable people we want to be when we grow up.

    Not for us doctors or lawyers and such; we wanted to be kings of the world and masters of the universe. Presidents and prime ministers, developers of fantastic world-changing theories, inventors of revolutionary medical cures or at the very least, the richest man on earth. You know, the normal ambitions of every teenage boy.

    As we continued building our ephemeral castles in the air, the coffee-shop (our version of the neighbourhood diner) started filling up with the dinner crowd. Across from us at the next table, a man bundled his two very young and very noisy kids into their seats before sitting himself down wearily. I watched as he gave his orders to the coffee-shop assistants, speaking in a voice just barely louder than the clamour of his boisterous children. I watched as he, between mouthfuls of his own dinner, coaxed and cajoled his kids to eat their dinners. And even before he had fnished eating, he was making an order for a takeaway, all the while telling the young ones to hurry up or they’ll be late fetching their mother.

    Later, I told my over-achieving buddy, the hardest and most remarkable person to be, indeed a superman, is to be a husband and a father. And I said (at the age of fifteen) I can be anything and anyone I want to be, but I fear I may never be able to do the hardest thing in the world and be a real superman – a husband and a father.

    legacy, you are a father and a husband. You are more than remarkable. You are superman.

    Don

  3. AC – You’re so right! Endless tasks and in hindsight meaningless tasks… But I remind myself these are all the results of our choices. You’re also right that it’s out of balance in the wrong direction. I hope that changes soon.

    Don – I have a friend who lost his wife to cancer a couple years ago. How he is able to raise his little girl is beyond my imagination. He’s the real superman. I wonder how many parents in America (and the rest of the world) can relate to what I wrote above.

  4. Ld:
    I dare say that 50 years from now, your children will re-read what you wrote above, and it will bring tears to their eyes.

  5. My friend,

    Nobody is unremarkable!

    Remember Walt Whitman’s verses:

    From “Leaves of Grass”

    – To You

    (…)
    O I could sing such grandeurs and glories about you!
    You have not know what you are, you have slumber’d upon yourself
    all your life,
    (…)
    There is no endowment in man or woman that is not tallied in you,
    There is no virtue, no beauty in man or woman, but as good is in you,
    No pluck, no endurance in others, but as good is in you,
    No pleasure waiting for others, but an equal pleasure waits for you.
    (…)
    I sing the songs of the glory of none, not God, sooner than I sing
    the songs of the glofy of you.

    Whoever you are! claim your own at any hazard!
    These shows of the East and West are tame compared to you,
    These immense meadows, these interminable rivers, you are immense
    and interminable as they (…)

    – A Song of the Rolling Earth

    (…)
    Whoever you are! motion and reflection are especially for you,
    The divine ship sails the divine sea for you.

    Whoever you are! you are he or she for whom the earth is solid and liquid,
    You are he or she for whom the sun and moon hang in the sky,
    For none more than you are the present and the past,
    For none more than you is immortalily.
    (…)

    – A Song for Occupations

    (…)
    Why what have you thought of yourself?
    Is it you then that thought yourself less?
    Is it you that thought the President greater than you?
    Or the rich better off than you? or the educated wiser than you?

    (Because you are greasy or pimpled, or were once drunk, or a thief,
    Or that you are diseas’d, or rheumatic, or a prostitute,
    Or from frivolity or impotence, or that you are no scholar and never
    saw your name in print,
    Do you give in that you are any less immortal?)

    – To a Common Prostitute

    Be composed – be at ease with me – I am Walt Whitman, liberal and
    lusty as Nature,
    Not till the sun excludes you do I exclude you,
    Not till the waters refuse to glisten for you and the leaves to
    rustle for you, do my words refuse to glisten and rustle for you.

    (…)

  6. Newton – Thank you very much for commenting. You have captured the essence of what my blog is all about. Many of us go through similar experiences from time to time.

  7. LD,

    Thank you for your kind words.

    Walt Whitman is one of my personal heroes. Reading his poetry I can’t refrain from thinking that “Love is the recognition of Truth”…

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